by Chase Marcus - May 26th, 2019
Cancer is a unique word, but there is something about it that gives someone a grimacing feeling in their heart and mind when they say or think the word. In the culture we are a part of, we may not agree on many things, but I think there is an universal agreement that cancer is disgusting. It can destroy life, and not just that of the individual whose body it is afflicting, but the friends, family, and community of the patient as well. It’s a reflection of the broken world we live in and something that most people deal with on some level.
I’m a cancer survivor. That’s something I never thought I’d say. As someone in their mid twenties, I saw myself as invincible, untouchable really. My mind had never even contemplated that maybe one day I could become ill. I’ve battled and survived leukemia. Along the way I discovered cancer does more than wreck the physical, it affects every part of one’s emotional, physical, and spiritual self. If left unchecked, it can continually destroy life even if one is in full remission. It lasts a lifetime, not just in a moment of treatment. While I may be in remission, I’ll always be fighting what cancer has done and continues to do in the recovery I face daily.
Something I’d humbly say I’ve been convicted of along this journey that has led to this blog post is “cancer only truly wins if you let it”. Honestly, I think to a certain level that sounds corny and cliché, almost like some ambiguous statement you’d read on a $1 “Get Well” card. But, I truly have to stand with confidence that this statement is the defining undercurrent in which I find myself a part of individually. There comes to a point in the battle of cancer where everything becomes a choice. With that choice one has to not only declare victory in the hope of battling cancer physically, but claiming the victory of the heart and mind. And furthermore as Christians, giving God the ultimate victory and glory.
Let me unpack this a little bit more. I beat leukemia after almost a year’s worth of chemo. Literally, almost every single day for a year I endured chemo and all sorts of other medicines. I cannot even begin to adequately say what chemo does to one’s body, especially coupled along with whatever cancer is ailing you. Everything came to a point for me personally in which I broke. As in, I gave up. The physical torture wrecked me of my emotions, of trying to handle the magnitude of what I was going through then and what I would face in the future. The emotions in turn affected the spiritual. As a Christian I cried out to God in ways that only He could discern and understand. Through it all, I arrived at the point that specifically as a Christian, I had the choice of deciding how cancer would define me in my worship to God. Not only how I would worship Him in private through the pain and suffering, but how I might partner with the Spirit to use my life and story as a testament to hope in Christ.
I’ve constructed a website, and within it this blog, Cancer and the Christian, as a means of doing two things. The first is an outlet of processing what I’ve gone through and the journey I’m still facing. I’ve found it personally helpful for me to create a dialogue of what I’m going through and sharing it with others. That leads into the second part, of the hopeful prayer that maybe this blog and website might be a blessing to others that are going through hurt, pain, and suffering. Cancer is more than illness, cancer is a way of describing the multiple way sin affects the broken world we live in and the sicknesses we all face.
Honestly, and I truly do mean this with all the vulnerability I can muster, I’ve put off writing this blog for months. I created this website a few months ago, but could not bring myself to publish it or create a leading blog to put it there for others to read. The reason was simple, fear. Which, in a way, is a certain level of paradoxical irony. I can beat cancer, but am hesitant to publish a few words on the internet. I have fear of rejection or failure because selfishly, it would be devastating if no one read or responded to it. I’ve come to terms with myself that the purpose isn’t making this for human affirmation, but for holy intentions. Regardless of what happens and who this reaches, I cannot let fear or rejection keep me from sharing what Christ has put on my heart and mind. Despite what I might know logically or come to terms with emotionally, I’ve let fear take a certain place within myself that I’m still battling. I hope that this is a moment in my life where I can stay before the cross and cast aside all the insecurities in my life that I’ve had for years, but even more so with cancer. I pray that this blog might be the start of a new path for myself of walking alongside others, especially Christians.
Hurt, pain, and suffering is something we all face. The choices we make as Christians in a sense define not only who we are, but also paint a defining picture of our theology and worship towards God. I would very humbly say in the battle we face when it comes to the physical there is an equal emotional component we must consider as well. I am no doctor, but as a minister and child of God, my heart breaks for those that may face the battle of cancer or any serious illness without those that can help them the battle of the heart and mind as well.
Here is what it comes down to and what I’ll finish this post with: I believe the Spirit is leading me to connect with others and to help them in any way I can. If that is being a partner in prayer, discussing where God is amongst the brokenness, helping out financially, and anything in between, I want to do so in whatever way possible. Cancer has changed my life, but I’m determined for it to be for the better. I claim the victory that God will use this in a redeeming way in my life and hopefully for others as well.
I invite you to walk beside me in this journey, to connect, and to share. My dream is to create a support system and ongoing conversation with the Church and to support people when they need it most. Everyday I feel as if maybe this is what God has been preparing me for my entire life. Thank you for giving this a read. I look forward to connecting with you
Your servant in Christ,
Chase Marcus
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Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
- 2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Author - Chase Marcus
Youth and College-Age Minister
Racine Christian Church
Neosho, MO
